July 31st, 2011
Till date the worst day of my life. It's been a blur since then, I haven't been able to focus entirely on one task for.. well, a really long time. You know that line.. "you don't know what you've got till it's gone".. It's fucking true. You never really truly know how much something or someone means to you until they've gone.
Things change, everything changes, change is the only thing that's constant. You may expect someone to stay with you for the rest of your life, but really, that's bullshit. "I'll stay with you forever" is something that you just can't and shouldn't promise; maybe you mean it at that time, but a change in your environment and situation can change the way you perceive a person and everything else around you. Maybe you meant it at the time you said it and I guess the moment is what matters, but broken promises (promises such as this) hurt like a mother fucker.
You,
I miss everything, I miss the afternoons, the pizza, watching Modern Family, cuddling, falling asleep together, the hugs, every kiss, 'who makes better omelets' contests, ham sandwiches, Korean food, auto rides, hour long jokes, bushmen in Botswana stories, coastal garba, how my hand fit perfectly in yours, when you held me it felt like home; like I was where I belonged, how adorable you were when you were ill, I miss your laugh, I miss your smile and I miss how it brightened my day, I miss how you made my heart melt every time you told me you loved me, what I miss most is that comfort.. That level of comfort which I might not ever develop with anyone else. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, as of now though, it sure as hell feels like I never will. It's unbelievably hard to alter your behavior so drastically around a person you did absolutely everything with, around a person you were so comfortable with.
I know deep inside that I've got to let you go. 2 months ago I couldn't have imagined saying something like this.. But I've got to come to terms with reality now. Do I still hope that you'll come back? Of course I do. I hope and pray for that day to come. I can't just pick up the phone and call you now, I can't pour my heart out to you, I wait for the day I can do that again. Till then, I'm going to try and live my life, and I'm going to try and be happy, even though every minute is killing me.
Till date the worst day of my life. It's been a blur since then, I haven't been able to focus entirely on one task for.. well, a really long time. You know that line.. "you don't know what you've got till it's gone".. It's fucking true. You never really truly know how much something or someone means to you until they've gone.
Things change, everything changes, change is the only thing that's constant. You may expect someone to stay with you for the rest of your life, but really, that's bullshit. "I'll stay with you forever" is something that you just can't and shouldn't promise; maybe you mean it at that time, but a change in your environment and situation can change the way you perceive a person and everything else around you. Maybe you meant it at the time you said it and I guess the moment is what matters, but broken promises (promises such as this) hurt like a mother fucker.
You,
I miss everything, I miss the afternoons, the pizza, watching Modern Family, cuddling, falling asleep together, the hugs, every kiss, 'who makes better omelets' contests, ham sandwiches, Korean food, auto rides, hour long jokes, bushmen in Botswana stories, coastal garba, how my hand fit perfectly in yours, when you held me it felt like home; like I was where I belonged, how adorable you were when you were ill, I miss your laugh, I miss your smile and I miss how it brightened my day, I miss how you made my heart melt every time you told me you loved me, what I miss most is that comfort.. That level of comfort which I might not ever develop with anyone else. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, as of now though, it sure as hell feels like I never will. It's unbelievably hard to alter your behavior so drastically around a person you did absolutely everything with, around a person you were so comfortable with.
I know deep inside that I've got to let you go. 2 months ago I couldn't have imagined saying something like this.. But I've got to come to terms with reality now. Do I still hope that you'll come back? Of course I do. I hope and pray for that day to come. I can't just pick up the phone and call you now, I can't pour my heart out to you, I wait for the day I can do that again. Till then, I'm going to try and live my life, and I'm going to try and be happy, even though every minute is killing me.
its really well written. i can totally relate to this. not a very happy place to be.why havent you followed up? u havent written in a while..would love to hear what happened next :)
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